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  27 Teves from
Growing Each Day

By Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski 

Other Available Chapters
1 Tishrei 
3 Sivan 

27 Teves

From the Sages

He who loves his wife as he loves himself and who respects her even more than himself .... it is of him that the Scripture says, "You will know there is peace in your dwelling" (Yevamos 62b).

The secret of peace in the home is the awareness that husband and wife are not two distinct individuals living in a contractual relationship, but are one unit. If they love each other, they are also respecting themselves.

I heard a man say, "I used to argue with my wife. Then one day I realized that I did not like to lose an argument because I did not want to be a loser. On the other hand, if I won the argument, then my wife would have lost, and I did not want to be married to a loser. The only solution was to stop arguing."

In marriage, there is no winner and loser. In any given situation, both spouses either win or lose.

The Torah emphasizes the concept of unity in describing the marriage relationship: Man shall cling unto his wife and they shall be one (Genesis 2:24). Anything less than that, any situation where one considers him or herself superior to the other or triumphant over the other, falls short of this concept of marriage.

Today I shall...

...try to realize that marriage is a fusion, a unit rather than a union, and that whatever I do to my spouse I am doing to myself as well.

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