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  Don't Buy Into the Unresourceful Attitudes of Others from
Serenity
Formulas, stories, and insights

By Rabbi Zelig Pliskin 


Other Available Chapters
Serenity Is Up to You 


Don't Buy Into the Unresourceful Attitudes of Others

Working on developing the attitudes, perspectives, evaluations, frames and reframes that are conducive for serenity can take time and effort to master. Even after you put in the necessary energy, you must guard against acquiring others’ unresourceful and counterproductive ways of looking at things. You would not pay money to buy these attitudes, so do not accept them even when they are given to you for free.

Being aware of the attitudes and outlooks that are life enhancing will make you more sensitive to what others say about situations and events. Some of the things you hear will further your quest for serenity. Other statements, opinions, and points of view are stress builders. Add the positive positions to your own mental library. And disregard those that are negative and counterproductive.

If you are like most people, you already have unresourceful perspectives and evaluations that you acquired from others. They may have become part of your own thinking and you may consider them to be the objective reality. As soon as you are aware of a needlessly negative perspective, ask yourself, “How can I view this in a wiser, better way?”

Some common negative attitudes are, “When this or that happens, you just have to become stressed out.” “There’s nothing one can do to change their feelings about this.” “Your feelings are sacrosanct regardless of what those feelings are.” “Your initial reaction is your true reality. Don’t think you can fool yourself to try to change it.” “Everyone I know views things this way so I must also be nervous and upset.” These are subjective limiting frames. You never have to be stressed out unless you are physically exhausted. And even then you can feel calm about it. We have a tremendous ability to change our feelings about things. Feelings are all temporary based on how we presently perceive a situation. New and better perspectives and outlooks are always within our reach. The moment you change your thought, your nervous system changes how you feel. Life-enhancing thoughts create life-enhancing feelings. Even if this is only a subtle shift, you are moving in the right direction.

Recently a Cuban woman attempted to escape with her 6-year-old son from her husband. She perished in the effort but the boy was rescued and brought to the United States. A legal battle for custody of the boy erupted between his father who lived in Cuba and his mother’s relatives in the United States. The courts ruled that he should return to his father in Cuba. A military operation was carried out to forcibly remove the boy from his mother’s relatives.

Dr. Michael Hall, developer of “Neurosemantics” and “Metastates” and author (“Frame Games” and other NLP and Metastates books), was asked whether the boy would be traumatized by the experience. The gist of his answer was, “Even though many professional psychologists and psychiatrists have stated on the national media that the boy would certainly be traumatized, it really all depends. If he hears that he must be traumatized, it makes it more likely that he will be. But if he understands that he is greatly loved by many people and they all want what they think is best for him, he will have a totally different view of what he experienced. One’s subjective frames create one’s emotional reality.”

 
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