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  Chapter 3 from
It's Not As Tough As You Think
How to smooth out life's bumps.

By Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski 


Other Available Chapters
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Who Wants to be Married to a Loser

It may seem inevitable that two people living in close contact will have some disagreements. Sometimes these disagreements lead to arguments. While some quarreling between husband and wife may not be serious, at other times some unkind words are said in the heat of the dispute, and these may inflict emotional pain. It is not always easy to maintain full control of one’s words, and either intentionally or unintentionally one may say something that is derogatory or that strikes a raw nerve. It would be best if reasonable disagreements could be discussed without their degenerating into arguments.

This is easier said than done. Marriage counselors are kept busy trying to restore communication between spouses. I was fortunate to hear some words of wisdom, which, if given due consideration, may avert some of the more common problems in marriage.

“My wife and I used to argue,” this man said, “and I would be defensive and do anything necessary to make my point. My ego could not tolerate losing an argument to my wife.

“Then one day it occurred to me that if I won the argument, she lost it, and then I would be married to a loser. Well, I didn’t want to be married to a loser, so we stopped arguing.”

We usually think of ego as indicating self-centeredness. Perhaps self-centeredness is not always bad. In this case, this man’s ego could not tolerate either winning or losing an argument, and the only choice was to quit arguing.

Give this some thought. It may save your marriage.

 
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